I can't have him
by sexycazzy
Summary: Nathan & Lucas struggle with the love they have for each other. WARNING: Mentions of incest, slash- don't like, don't read. : Part Two & Part 3 were beta-ed by murgy31 - thanks! Rating is now M cos of Part 3! Feedback/reviews always welcome.
1. Part One

**TITLE:** I can't have him  
**AUTHOR:** **sexycazzy**  
**BETA:** N/A  
**RATING:** PG-14  
**CHARACTERS:** Nathan/Lucas  
**FANDOM: **One Tree Hill  
**GENRE:** angst/romance  
**SUMMARY:** From Nathan's point of view on Lucas.  
**WARNING:** Mentions of incest, pre-slash  
**WRITER'S NOTE**: I don't own any of the characters, they belong to One Tree Hill and its team. :(

This has no beta so all mistakes etc are all my own. I would be very grateful, if you notice any errors, etc to let me know!

This just popped in my mind this morning, and I had to write it all down. Hope you enjoy reading!

As always, I welcome any feedback ::))

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**I can't have him - Part One  
**

I'm standing in front of his house, waiting for him.

I'm in love with him, but I can't have him.

I remember the first time I saw him. He was playing basketball at the courts, and I was so mesmerized by him. He looked so good, his blonde hair, his blue eyes, his body. I just stood there, watching him, my heart quickening at the sight of him.

Now, here I am, outside his house, wondering whether if I should tell him about my feelings for him.

I have never fallen in love before. Yes, I've been in relationships before, but most of them were with a girl. It was just all to protect myself my friends and family. I was so terrified that if they knew the truth about me, they would reject me. But I was more scared of my dad. I knew that once he found out the truth, he would disown me and then kill me, or even to send me away, to avoid the fact that his son is in love with another man.

Every time I see him, my heart soars. Every time I touch him, when we are playing basketball, my knees would feel weak. My heart is going wild at not being able to touch him intimately, not being able to kiss him. It's running me mad.

When I found out that he was my brother, well, actually half-brother but still my brother nevertheless. Suddenly my love for him was tainted. I felt dirty for falling for my brother. My love for him was making me miserable, that I had to turn to someone else, to forget the love I had for him.

Suddenly I hear the door opening, and I look up to see him. My heart is going crazy, as he is walking towards me. I want to grab him and kiss him right now and there.

Yes, he is my brother, but I'm in love.

"Hey, Nathan!" he says, "Ready to go?"

"Yeah…" I nod, sadly.

As we get in his car, I watch him. I want to tell him how much I love him.

"Lucas…I-I wanna tell you something…" I stammer.

"What?" he say, while he is keeping his eyes on the road as he drives.

"I-I…" suddenly I lose my nerve, "Never mind...it wasn't important."

"Okay, if it wasn't important." Lucas shrugged.

We're going to a wedding…

_**My**_ wedding.

My heart is twisted with the thought of marrying someone that is not Lucas.

To be continued…?


	2. Part Two

**I can't have him – Part Two**

_They are married._

_I couldn't believe that Nathan is married…and not to me._

_I can't think like that. Damn, he is my brother, for god's sake!_

I just left Nathan's house, where they had the wedding reception. Nathan and Hayley are both on way to the airport for their honeymoon.

Now I'm in my mother's house – she is away travelling with Andy and my sister, Lily.

I remember meeting him at the courts when I was playing basketball. Then, I hated him. I thought he was so big-headed, he thought he was good at basketball…till he met me. It became a competition between us, trying to beat each other, trying to be the best on the Ravens, the high school basketball team.

The next time I saw him, was in school. Nathan looked so sexy out of shorts, and in jeans. I had to lean against the lockers, as I watched him walking past me, ignoring me. I had to keep myself from turning him to me and kiss him.

Since then, I began to fall for him. Often, I would stay in my room, and dream of him. I didn't want to see anyone, expect him. But I knew he was not gay. I often saw him with a girl; whenever they were together, I became so jealous, that it really hurt, to see them kissing, and laughing together. It should have been _ME_, not HER.

Then, I found out that Nathan was my brother – half-brother. We had the same father, but different mothers.

Suddenly, it felt like all my love has gone out of me, and I hated him again. I blamed him for my love. I used to vomit every-time I remembered that I was in love with him. I really hated him, so much that it almost killed me. I thought about suicide at one time.

Peyton saved me. She told me to get over Nathan – yes, she knew about my love for Nathan. So, when high school was finished, I went away – to New York. I even got involved with someone there.

But it wasn't the same. Nathan was still on my mind. Every time I made love with my lover in New York, I thought of him.

Deciding to finish it with my lover, I returned home, only to find that Nathan is with Hayley and that they were engaged. I wished the ground would swallow me up.

We became good friends, learnt a lot about each other. The only problem was that I fell in love with him again…I love him so much.

But I can't have him.

Startled by the knock on the door, who could it be at this time of the door?

To be continued…


	3. Part Three

**I can't have him – Part Three**

Lucas was startled by the knock on the door, and he wondered, 'who could it be at this time of the door?'

* * * * *

Nathan stood there, in the rain, and Lucas' mouth was hanging open, shocked to see his brother there.

"What the hell?"

"Can I come in?" Nathan asked, nervously.

"Of course, man!" Lucas opened the door fully, to let Nathan in, "Oh, look…you are soaked! Why don't we get you out of these clothes -" Lucas suddenly realized what he said, and blushed.

"That's okay…I need to say something, and then I'll go." Nathan responded.

Lucas nodded, wondering what his brother wanted to say, and the both of them stood still in the hallway, both looking at each other, both not knowing that they love each other.

"Lucas…" Nathan said, hoarsely, "I-I made a mistake."

Lucas suddenly realized that Hayley was not with him – they were supposed to be on the plane by now.

"Hayley?" Lucas enquired.

"Gone - I shouldn't have married her."

"Gone?" Lucas was puzzled.

"I-I don't love her…not in the same way she loved me." Nathan explained, "I'm in love with someone else."

"Oh…" Lucas felt jealous, "…did you tell her..this other girl?"

"I'm about to…but I'm scared of what he would say…" Nathan stepped closer to Lucas, their faces close to each other.

Suddenly Lucas felt his legs almost giving way, and his throat was dry. Then he realized that Nathan said '**he**', not 'she'.

Surely Nathan was not telling him that he was in love with him?

'No, no…it was wishful thinking, I mean, he is my brother!' Lucas silently thought to himself.

Nathan was watching Lucas, his heart beats got quicker, and his breathing shallower.

"Lucas…" Nathan gulped, "I love you."

Lucas just stared at Nathan, his mind blank.

"Sure, you love me – like a brother, right?"

Nathan closed his eyes, thinking whether if he should say more or…'shit, Lucas is his brother!'

He opened his eyes, and saw Lucas moving away from him, up to the wall behind him.

"I _**love**_ you." Nathan empathized.

Then Nathan leaned forward and put his lips on Lucas' lips. Lucas was startled, and began to pull back. Nathan stepped back, apologizing, and was about to turn to the door, when Lucas pulled him back, and kissed him again.

"I love you too."

Nathan's eyes went wide, as he looked at Lucas and said, quietly, "Really?"

Lucas nodded, and took Nathan's hand, led him upstairs.

Along the way, they started to kiss each other again, and again.

As they entered Lucas's bedroom, they pulled away from each other. Nathan was feeling aroused as he popped the buttons on Lucas's shirt and slid it off his shoulders, and then pulled away to pull his vest over his head.

Oh, he wanted him for a long time, and finally it was happening.

Lucas grinned, as Nathan pulled him to the bed, undoing his belt buckle in the process, to allow his jeans down to the ankles, as Lucas fell back on the bed, struggling to get his own jeans off.

Once their jeans and underwear were off, Nathan got on the top of Lucas, kissing him again, his hands tracing along the thighs in between of Lucas's legs.

Lucas shivered, his back arched as he felt Nathan's hand wrapped around his cock, stroking slowly.

"I need you…" Lucas groaned.

"What do you need?" Nathan asked, fully knowing what Lucas wanted, but he wanted to make sure.

"Inside me…please!"

Nodding, Nathan turned Lucas over so that his stomach lay on the bed, and his ass cheeks popped up in the air.

"No lube…" Nathan warned his brother, now his lover, who nodded, and told him to go ahead.

"I will be careful," he said as he began to insert a finger inside Lucas.

Lucas tensed up, but Nathan told him to relax, that he would take it slowly. Lucas tried to relax as the finger went in deep and then he felt another one going in, and he cried out.

"Relax…my love…" Nathan smoothed Lucas' back, while he was working his fingers, getting Lucas' hole ready for him.

"Now..please…" Lucas panted.

Nathan withdrew his fingers and got in between of Lucas's legs, and putting his hands on his hips, Nathan slowly entered him.

Lucas bit deep in the pillow, as Nathan leaned down to kiss and nibble his neck, whilst pounding into him in slow paces as they didn't have any lube.

Lucas cried out in both pain and ecstasy, god, it hurt..but at same time, it felt good to have Nathan inside him.

Suddenly Lucas felt some wetness under him, and he realized that he has came without any warning.

Soon after, Nathan withdrew, and came all over Lucas's back.

Lifting himself off Lucas, Nathan lay back on the bed, beside Lucas, who turned his head, to look at Nathan.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The End (maybe…)


End file.
